I need to write about my parents, to keep alive my memories of them, for family (especially my children) to know what wonderful they were.
At the same time, I find myself juggling between writing down those memories and living out my life in response to those memories. I haven't written much about my parents, but I have shown Timmy their photos at least once a week, something that Timmy really enjoys. We moved back closer to Georgia to be with Amy's side of the family and my parents' old friends. At the same time I am trying to love Amy best I could in the way I saw my parents loved each other. Now I'm not saying I am doing a great job being an employee, father and husband, but with all this trying I hope to demonstrate to God I earnestly seek to do the right thing, and that my heart is open to Him. And He is near me, helping me in every step.
I have their photos in my wallet, I have their photos in my cubicle. Everyday when it gets a little crazy, I look at their happy faces. This photo is particular well-done, and taken about 3 months before their death. I could start to notice that dad has aged, I can see he has more white hair, there are more lines on his cheeks. However mom looks looked great. It must have been many years since they took a professional family photo; the only reason they did it was Church of Nations was doing a directory.
I want to live a life that makes them proud. I'm sure they did; they bragged about me often to family members, friends, people at work, other members from Church of the Nations. At the time I felt really embarrassed by that, because my first reaction to other praising me is, "are you mocking me?" The reaction afterwards is numbness, I freeze up and don't know how to respond. I can remember specifically one situation, when my parents were praising and encouraging me when my uncles came from far away to tend my wedding. Uncle Geng had come from Hamilton Canada, and Uncle Michael and Aunt Amy came from Albany NY. After a great meal, they sat me down to give me gifts, and give me a word of blessing. All this was videotaped. My parents had mentioned how I went to school, worked really hard to support myself and at the same time studied very hard, and they were touched that I was mature enough to not want to burden them financially. At the time I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know what to say. I stored their words in my mind, but my heart didn't know what to do with them.
Thinking back on those memories now that my parents are gone, I am beginning to receive those words. My heart swells with pride, knowing that they approved of me, loved me, and were not ashamed of me in any way. Their words give me strength, to be a good father, husband, and worker.
Timmy is muttering "toe, bobo, toe, bobo". He just woke up from his nap, and my personal moment of reflection is over, now all that I can think of is how I can end this post quickly so I can go play with him. I love my parents, and I can't wait to tell Timmy about them one day.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Making Snowman with Mom
I think the only picture where I can remember the details is this picture above. In one winter day, when we were all at Grandpa Cheng's place, it suddenly started to snow and by that time there were already plenty on the ground. I was really excited, and so was Mom. She told me to quickly put on the coat and go outside and play together. It was unusual, Mom actually wanted to go outside and play with me like a little kid, I thought. I remembered running as fast as I could and started to pile up the snow to make a snowman. Mom played with me for awhile and then she took my pictures. I remember smashing the snow down with my shovel and Mom told me to smile. I looked up, she took the picture, and I went right back to playing snow.
I think pretty soon she went back to the house. It seems to me she really wanted to take pictures of snow rather than playing with snow. Come to think of it she has taken a lot of pictures of snow. Whenever there was a freak snow shower in Georgia she would always make us go out there to take some pictures.
Anyways I can't recall anything else that happened when this picture was taken. But I do think about it alot once they are gone. I remember where I was in Grandpa's place, I remember running out of the back door, with the snow still coming down, and how excited I was to play with Mom. And I also remember how I didn't feel like having my pictures taken and I just wanted to play. These memories are very special to me, I treasure them in my heart. These memories are when I was young, without a care in the world because Mom and Dad would take care of me.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Hugging my dad
Its been difficult to juggle work, family, estates, doing things in the memory of my parents, and writing down the memory of my parents. Mostly I have put away writing because we flew to Calgary to see Alexis Gooi and the rest of the family, Fanfan as she came from China, uncle Michael's family, and then Amy's mom came to live with us. My mom always valued family; she often calls and think of them, and I want to keep in touch with the family as well.
One thing I remember which was a turning point in my parents' spiritual life was when I went to college, in 2000. In that first year I was very involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, going to the bible studies, worship, and other events. I had been saved in high school, but it was in college that my spiritual roots really sank in. The concept of forgiveness and love really dug deep in me, that Christ died for us even when we were His enemies, He loved us even when we were against Him. It was my freshmen year that I grew the most spiritually, partly because I had a great bible study leader Ben Hopwood, a great group of friends where we had to help each other on surviving tests and exams, and a great environment where we ate together, studied together, played together, worshiped together.
It was in this Christian cocoon that my faith grew, my knowledge of Him increased, and Christ's words made more sense to me. I began to look at my parents not as authorities that failed me but rather as dear human beings that loved me and are doing the best they could for me. I began to feel very thankful for them. After all, I met many people in college whose parents have separated, or the parents don't like each other, or there are some serious conflicts between parents and children. Every time I came home from college, mom makes a big deal about it, cooks me a lot of delicious food, and usually we go out to do something. As far as conflicts between them I could really say there was one major conflict in 2008 but that was all. My parents loved one another; they ate all 3 meals together, commuted in the same car, worked in the same company, and went shopping together. Plus they worked very hard to stay in America, partly because they wanted me to have a better future.
At that time, in 2000, my mom said she was a Christian at the time but I think she really didn't have love for the Lord yet, and my dad probably believed there was a god but he didn't want to have anything to do with organized religion. When I think about that time, I just remember there wasn't much laughter, wasn't much conversation. I was close with my mom, but not really close with dad at all. We didn't see eye-to-eye on things and honestly I don't remember if we had any real conversation prior to that. Whenever I called home dad would pick up, say hello, and give the phone to mom.
As time went by I realized that I had a part to play in my parents' lives, but instead I neglected them. My parents always cared for me, but I seldom cared for them. I had forgotten mom's and dad's birthdays before, although they never forgotten mine. When I was around that age I just wanted to leave home but I never once thought what I can do for them. Mom often asked me to help her around the house and I grudgingly did them.
Then as time went on I decided to do something about that. I started to buy them things. I bought a foot washer/massager thing(which they never used), a nice wooden letter holder, and flowers for my mom's birthday's. I came home more often, and I was less argumentative and actually tried to listen to them. But the most difficult thing I had to do was to hug my dad. Usually right before I leave the house for school I would hug my mom and then get in my car. Then for awhile I wanted to hug my mom and then hug dad as well but I didn't have the courage. Finally one day I hugged dad right before leaving, and that was very surprising to him. From then on, I always made sure to hug mom and dad, and as I remembered it was at this point where both my parents became really interested in Christianity.
From that time on, mom started to call me to tell me what she learned in Church and when I was at home we would talk for hours about Christianity and the bible. Then dad started to go to church with mom as well. First we went to some church that my neighbors went to, but since it was a mostly American environment my parents didn't feel they fit in.
Dad and I would have more open conversations. I remember that he was gaining some weight at the time, since we bought a grill and every time I came home we must have cooked an entire cow. I was really concerned about his weight and told him to get an annual checkup. He always dreaded going to the hospital or anything related to doctors, something that grandpa feared as well. But after mom and I told him repeatedly then he finally went. And not surprisingly, his cholesterol was 270 and he was overweight. That was a wake-up call for him, and since then he really started to watch what he eats and started to exercise regularly.
I am still very grateful for them, and still remember those years.
One thing I remember which was a turning point in my parents' spiritual life was when I went to college, in 2000. In that first year I was very involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, going to the bible studies, worship, and other events. I had been saved in high school, but it was in college that my spiritual roots really sank in. The concept of forgiveness and love really dug deep in me, that Christ died for us even when we were His enemies, He loved us even when we were against Him. It was my freshmen year that I grew the most spiritually, partly because I had a great bible study leader Ben Hopwood, a great group of friends where we had to help each other on surviving tests and exams, and a great environment where we ate together, studied together, played together, worshiped together.
It was in this Christian cocoon that my faith grew, my knowledge of Him increased, and Christ's words made more sense to me. I began to look at my parents not as authorities that failed me but rather as dear human beings that loved me and are doing the best they could for me. I began to feel very thankful for them. After all, I met many people in college whose parents have separated, or the parents don't like each other, or there are some serious conflicts between parents and children. Every time I came home from college, mom makes a big deal about it, cooks me a lot of delicious food, and usually we go out to do something. As far as conflicts between them I could really say there was one major conflict in 2008 but that was all. My parents loved one another; they ate all 3 meals together, commuted in the same car, worked in the same company, and went shopping together. Plus they worked very hard to stay in America, partly because they wanted me to have a better future.
At that time, in 2000, my mom said she was a Christian at the time but I think she really didn't have love for the Lord yet, and my dad probably believed there was a god but he didn't want to have anything to do with organized religion. When I think about that time, I just remember there wasn't much laughter, wasn't much conversation. I was close with my mom, but not really close with dad at all. We didn't see eye-to-eye on things and honestly I don't remember if we had any real conversation prior to that. Whenever I called home dad would pick up, say hello, and give the phone to mom.
As time went by I realized that I had a part to play in my parents' lives, but instead I neglected them. My parents always cared for me, but I seldom cared for them. I had forgotten mom's and dad's birthdays before, although they never forgotten mine. When I was around that age I just wanted to leave home but I never once thought what I can do for them. Mom often asked me to help her around the house and I grudgingly did them.
Then as time went on I decided to do something about that. I started to buy them things. I bought a foot washer/massager thing(which they never used), a nice wooden letter holder, and flowers for my mom's birthday's. I came home more often, and I was less argumentative and actually tried to listen to them. But the most difficult thing I had to do was to hug my dad. Usually right before I leave the house for school I would hug my mom and then get in my car. Then for awhile I wanted to hug my mom and then hug dad as well but I didn't have the courage. Finally one day I hugged dad right before leaving, and that was very surprising to him. From then on, I always made sure to hug mom and dad, and as I remembered it was at this point where both my parents became really interested in Christianity.
From that time on, mom started to call me to tell me what she learned in Church and when I was at home we would talk for hours about Christianity and the bible. Then dad started to go to church with mom as well. First we went to some church that my neighbors went to, but since it was a mostly American environment my parents didn't feel they fit in.
Dad and I would have more open conversations. I remember that he was gaining some weight at the time, since we bought a grill and every time I came home we must have cooked an entire cow. I was really concerned about his weight and told him to get an annual checkup. He always dreaded going to the hospital or anything related to doctors, something that grandpa feared as well. But after mom and I told him repeatedly then he finally went. And not surprisingly, his cholesterol was 270 and he was overweight. That was a wake-up call for him, and since then he really started to watch what he eats and started to exercise regularly.
I am still very grateful for them, and still remember those years.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Their burial (part I)
I wish to write down this experience. Not that I think I'd ever forget those days, but just to make sure I write down all the details so I don't get the facts mixed up.
I was at IBM, where we were having a quartering business review with our customers that day on June 15 2011. We just wrapped up the day-long meeting, and my manager John Benoit saw me in my office and said that my parents had a car accident and that I need to call Joseph Bates. I immediately found his phone number on my cell and called him. When I reached him, he was crying. I felt that this was not good. When I first heard from my manager I thought that surely my parents were involved in some accident that got them hurt, or the car was totaled; but in that case I don't think Joe would be crying about it. When Joe told me they both passed away, I didn't know what to think, my heart was very heavy, and my mind was blank. I didn't feel any pain, I wasn't feeling anything, I was in shock. I then called Amy, and told her about it, she immediately started crying. John, my manager, was very kind to come talk to me, and told me I can take as much time as I want, and he even walked with me to my car.
When I got home, Amy told me Pastor Mike and Diane are coming soon, and she giggled in the midst of tears that our house is a mess and we really need to clean up before they come. Then Pastor Mike, Diane, and later Steve Bent came, to console and comfort us, which meant a lot to me. Pastor Mike ordered pizza, and I talked alot about my parents, and the chinese church that they go to. They also helped us get the airplane tickets to fly back. I told my uncles what had happened, and they were all in anger and disbelief.
It wasn't until the second day when I started crying. After the shock subsided and the people left, I started to remember the moments I had with my parents, and those memories became so real my heart felt so overwhelmed. Amy and I cried a lot those couple of days; in fact we cried a lot the entire year of 2011.
I remember we went to Chili's for lunch and I couldn't stop crying. Amy tried to console me but then she started to cry as well. I would cry when I think of the difficult childhood they had in China, when there were so much chaos and hunger. I would cry when I think of the weekend when my mom found out her mom had passed away. At the time, because my relatives in China didn't want to burden us, it wasn't until 3 months after the death that we actually heard about it. Of course my mom was devastated, it was hard to hear about the death but it was hard as well to not be part of the funeral, and not be able to say goodbye. We didn't know Jesus at the time. We cried in a desperate way, in despair, and then we try not to think about it. I remembered my mom saying something like this, "Mom [grandma] I thought I was going to be going away for a while in the U.S., make some money, and come back and be with you. But I had no idea that you'd be gone forever and I never got to see you again."
Having a wife now I have gotten to sympathize more with my mom; being 7000 miles away from her family must have been a difficult thing. When Amy and I went to Vermont for my new job, she hated being away from her family; she was very loyal to her family, it wasn't possible for her to think anyone in the family in a negative light. So it was with my mom, she was always positive about her family, very loyal and caring to her parents and brothers. Grandpa Geng always encouraged her when she was down, speaking uplifting words that Mom cherished in her heart. When Grandma Geng had a stroke, Mom went to the hospital every other day to see her, feed her, take care of her.
I couldn't imagine what Mom was feeling on the inside when she moved to the U.S., but must have been something like what I saw Amy going through. Mom definitely had a period of feeling depressed, there were few days she would not come out of the bedroom. I didn't think much at the time but now I think I know how she felt. When we first moved to the U.S., she was very excited, but when reality sets in, and her new job in waitressing is stressful, she very much missed being close to her mom and dad and brothers.
All that is to say, that while eating with Amy in Chili's the day my parents died, I thought about Mom grieving for Grandma I couldn't keep myself from crying. I also went far away from my parents, in search of a better life, and I also didn't have a chance to say goodbye.
The next day, June 17th, a Thursday, we flew back to Atlanta. But before we left that day, UPS delivered a gigantic box to us, and it was a swingset for Timmy, which my parents bought. It was just several days ago when I skyped with my parents, and they asked what should they buy for Timmy. I told them Amy had wanted this baby swingset, that it rocks the baby gently to sleep. My parents were hesitant on buying it because a friend of theirs gave them a swingset, barely used. However it was smaller and lacked some functions. We'd go back and forth: well, true it didn't have the lateral swing motion but does a baby really need that, or can we save some money by taking the swing with us when we come to see Timmy in August, or dang that swing is the most expensive one out of all Target's swings. Finally, I told my parents, okay, this swingset is what Amy wanted, and she wanted it here before the birth, so you should go ahead and order it online and have it delivered. Of course my parents did. But it was crazy how it all came together, it was as if God allowed them to buy a gift for Timmy just before He is going to take them, and this gift, delivered the day after they passed away, was also used to console me in the loss of my parents.
So our flight was at 6pm and we were supposed to get to Athens at 12am but due to delays we actually got home at 2am. So we went straight to bed since I was supposed to meet with Pastor Mel and Pastor Liang the next day at 8am. As I got up the next morning the reality of my loss was hitting home to me, and I couldn't control myself at all, I was about to lose it at any time. Joe took me to see Pastor Mel and Liang and on the drive over there I really lost it, the thought of never seeing my parents felt like my heart was being crushed.
In fact that entire day was a series of uncontrollable crying. After crying in the car, I lost it when I saw pastor Mel and Liang, they have known my parents for a long time. My parents were most close with pastor Liang and his wife. Then I went to the funeral home to sign papers for burial, such as allowing the service to be conducted by Bernstein Funeral Homes, to be cremated, and buried in Evergreen Memorial, and picking out a plot of land for burial, what do write on the tombstone, writing the obituary, deciding on the time and place of the burial service. There were just so much death-related issues that nobody would ever want to be involved in.
Through it all, Amy practically followed me everywhere and at the time she was seven-month pregnant. Joe was with me as well. We just went from place to place, crying, then be serious and make some decisions, then crying again.
I was at IBM, where we were having a quartering business review with our customers that day on June 15 2011. We just wrapped up the day-long meeting, and my manager John Benoit saw me in my office and said that my parents had a car accident and that I need to call Joseph Bates. I immediately found his phone number on my cell and called him. When I reached him, he was crying. I felt that this was not good. When I first heard from my manager I thought that surely my parents were involved in some accident that got them hurt, or the car was totaled; but in that case I don't think Joe would be crying about it. When Joe told me they both passed away, I didn't know what to think, my heart was very heavy, and my mind was blank. I didn't feel any pain, I wasn't feeling anything, I was in shock. I then called Amy, and told her about it, she immediately started crying. John, my manager, was very kind to come talk to me, and told me I can take as much time as I want, and he even walked with me to my car.
When I got home, Amy told me Pastor Mike and Diane are coming soon, and she giggled in the midst of tears that our house is a mess and we really need to clean up before they come. Then Pastor Mike, Diane, and later Steve Bent came, to console and comfort us, which meant a lot to me. Pastor Mike ordered pizza, and I talked alot about my parents, and the chinese church that they go to. They also helped us get the airplane tickets to fly back. I told my uncles what had happened, and they were all in anger and disbelief.
It wasn't until the second day when I started crying. After the shock subsided and the people left, I started to remember the moments I had with my parents, and those memories became so real my heart felt so overwhelmed. Amy and I cried a lot those couple of days; in fact we cried a lot the entire year of 2011.
I remember we went to Chili's for lunch and I couldn't stop crying. Amy tried to console me but then she started to cry as well. I would cry when I think of the difficult childhood they had in China, when there were so much chaos and hunger. I would cry when I think of the weekend when my mom found out her mom had passed away. At the time, because my relatives in China didn't want to burden us, it wasn't until 3 months after the death that we actually heard about it. Of course my mom was devastated, it was hard to hear about the death but it was hard as well to not be part of the funeral, and not be able to say goodbye. We didn't know Jesus at the time. We cried in a desperate way, in despair, and then we try not to think about it. I remembered my mom saying something like this, "Mom [grandma] I thought I was going to be going away for a while in the U.S., make some money, and come back and be with you. But I had no idea that you'd be gone forever and I never got to see you again."
Having a wife now I have gotten to sympathize more with my mom; being 7000 miles away from her family must have been a difficult thing. When Amy and I went to Vermont for my new job, she hated being away from her family; she was very loyal to her family, it wasn't possible for her to think anyone in the family in a negative light. So it was with my mom, she was always positive about her family, very loyal and caring to her parents and brothers. Grandpa Geng always encouraged her when she was down, speaking uplifting words that Mom cherished in her heart. When Grandma Geng had a stroke, Mom went to the hospital every other day to see her, feed her, take care of her.
I couldn't imagine what Mom was feeling on the inside when she moved to the U.S., but must have been something like what I saw Amy going through. Mom definitely had a period of feeling depressed, there were few days she would not come out of the bedroom. I didn't think much at the time but now I think I know how she felt. When we first moved to the U.S., she was very excited, but when reality sets in, and her new job in waitressing is stressful, she very much missed being close to her mom and dad and brothers.
All that is to say, that while eating with Amy in Chili's the day my parents died, I thought about Mom grieving for Grandma I couldn't keep myself from crying. I also went far away from my parents, in search of a better life, and I also didn't have a chance to say goodbye.
The next day, June 17th, a Thursday, we flew back to Atlanta. But before we left that day, UPS delivered a gigantic box to us, and it was a swingset for Timmy, which my parents bought. It was just several days ago when I skyped with my parents, and they asked what should they buy for Timmy. I told them Amy had wanted this baby swingset, that it rocks the baby gently to sleep. My parents were hesitant on buying it because a friend of theirs gave them a swingset, barely used. However it was smaller and lacked some functions. We'd go back and forth: well, true it didn't have the lateral swing motion but does a baby really need that, or can we save some money by taking the swing with us when we come to see Timmy in August, or dang that swing is the most expensive one out of all Target's swings. Finally, I told my parents, okay, this swingset is what Amy wanted, and she wanted it here before the birth, so you should go ahead and order it online and have it delivered. Of course my parents did. But it was crazy how it all came together, it was as if God allowed them to buy a gift for Timmy just before He is going to take them, and this gift, delivered the day after they passed away, was also used to console me in the loss of my parents.
So our flight was at 6pm and we were supposed to get to Athens at 12am but due to delays we actually got home at 2am. So we went straight to bed since I was supposed to meet with Pastor Mel and Pastor Liang the next day at 8am. As I got up the next morning the reality of my loss was hitting home to me, and I couldn't control myself at all, I was about to lose it at any time. Joe took me to see Pastor Mel and Liang and on the drive over there I really lost it, the thought of never seeing my parents felt like my heart was being crushed.
In fact that entire day was a series of uncontrollable crying. After crying in the car, I lost it when I saw pastor Mel and Liang, they have known my parents for a long time. My parents were most close with pastor Liang and his wife. Then I went to the funeral home to sign papers for burial, such as allowing the service to be conducted by Bernstein Funeral Homes, to be cremated, and buried in Evergreen Memorial, and picking out a plot of land for burial, what do write on the tombstone, writing the obituary, deciding on the time and place of the burial service. There were just so much death-related issues that nobody would ever want to be involved in.
Through it all, Amy practically followed me everywhere and at the time she was seven-month pregnant. Joe was with me as well. We just went from place to place, crying, then be serious and make some decisions, then crying again.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Pressure Cooker
It's funny that for me, it's the little things that remind me of my parents. While I was at Macy's yesterday, I came up some pressure cookers, and they reminded me of the one my parents had. Mom used it a lot to make rice soup, rice, and stew. It cooked really fast, and everything tasted very good. I especially like the rice soup my mom made: she'd put different types of rice and a little green peas, dates, and sugar, and after half an hour of cooking the rice soup became really rich and thick. I might have mentioned it in other posts but I don't mind saying it again: my parents' cooking was like no one else's. I can't tell what made it so good, whether it was the way Mom cooked things, or the fresh ingredients, or because I just became accustomed to it.
I remember very clearly that they cooked together alot. Mom did most of the actual cooking: stir-frying, sauteing, boiling, but Dad got the vegetable from the garden, washed them one by one, and cut them up for her. Eating at the Cheng's house was an ordeal, on average I'd say they each spent an hour preparing a meal, although they sometimes might spread the work throughout the day.
How can I put to words what I have lost?
I think shortly after they passed away I watched a movie called Ratatouille, about a mouse wanting to be chef. Towards the end of the movie, the mouse served up a humble dish, Ratatouille, to a highly demanding and harsh food critic. It was rather unimpressive in its appearance, but when the food critic took one bite of it, he had a out of body experience, where he remembers this was exactly how his mother made it for him when he had a bad day.That meal changed his whole outlook on life, and he became a happier man.
That's the way I felt about my parents' cooking. They cooked humble meals, using little portion of meat and sauces, but the food always comes out so flavorful. Its not the type of food you'd serve to guests, but man I'd give anything to just taste one of their steam buns or dumplings! I feel like a kid again when I eat their food.
I remember very clearly that they cooked together alot. Mom did most of the actual cooking: stir-frying, sauteing, boiling, but Dad got the vegetable from the garden, washed them one by one, and cut them up for her. Eating at the Cheng's house was an ordeal, on average I'd say they each spent an hour preparing a meal, although they sometimes might spread the work throughout the day.
How can I put to words what I have lost?
I think shortly after they passed away I watched a movie called Ratatouille, about a mouse wanting to be chef. Towards the end of the movie, the mouse served up a humble dish, Ratatouille, to a highly demanding and harsh food critic. It was rather unimpressive in its appearance, but when the food critic took one bite of it, he had a out of body experience, where he remembers this was exactly how his mother made it for him when he had a bad day.That meal changed his whole outlook on life, and he became a happier man.
That's the way I felt about my parents' cooking. They cooked humble meals, using little portion of meat and sauces, but the food always comes out so flavorful. Its not the type of food you'd serve to guests, but man I'd give anything to just taste one of their steam buns or dumplings! I feel like a kid again when I eat their food.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Timmy looking at my parents photos
Amy recently hung a picture of my mom in the apartment, and another one with my mom and dad. They were really great pictures. The picture with just my mom was taken at my wedding; she looked really good, with her new dress and bouquet. The picture of both of them were taken for the church registry, sometime in March of last year, 3 months before they passed away.
I showed them to Timothy yesterday and he looked at them for a long time. I was at a loss of what to say to him. It really pained me to think that Timmy never saw them in real life, and that my parents never saw Timmy. Once he grows up I will have to explain this to him, and I just know this isn't going to be easy.
I showed them to Timothy yesterday and he looked at them for a long time. I was at a loss of what to say to him. It really pained me to think that Timmy never saw them in real life, and that my parents never saw Timmy. Once he grows up I will have to explain this to him, and I just know this isn't going to be easy.
Our Father in Heaven
I have not posted anything in the past couple of month, but for the year 2012, God willing, I will post something every week, so that I can keep the memories of my parents alive and that my children will know their grandparents and the family past of the Cheng's.
The last time I thought of my parents was in Christmas of 2011. Amy, I and Timmy were at the Bate's house, gathered together for dinner. Before we ate, Daddy Mike prayed to bless the food, saying "Father..." I didn't recall anything else he said, but I just realize that he almost always begins his prayers with "Father..." Now I don't really do that, I just say "God ..." or "Lord ...". That made me think for a long time.
Two days later, when I was talking to Amy, I told her about this. I realize that even though I have lost my father, I have a heavenly Father. I always acknowledged Him as Father, but I never saw Him as Father. That realization brought me to tears. It is emotional to me to think that way, to treat God as your parent, to think of yourself as part of God's family; it brings a warmth deep in my soul.
Realizing that God is your Father is a very powerful notion! That means I must live my life as He lives, just the same way I saw my earthly father and walked in his footsteps. That means He provides for me in the same way my earthly father provided for me. That means He gives me a sense of stability and security in the same way my earthly father had given me. And of course He can do that so much more than my earthly father! I am thankful for my dad, Denghui. He was honest, genuine, and hard-working. He loved me and my mother; he sacrificed a lot for us. I admire his courage.
Something else also caught my eyes in terms of the parent-child relationship. In Genesis 2 it said that God brought animals to Adam to see what he would name them, and whatever name Adam gave, that was its name. I find the way God the Father looking at Adam is somewhat parallel to the way I look at Timothy, my son. I delight in looking at Timothy, as he tries to explore his environment. He grabs things, feels with his hands, slowly bringing them to his mouth, and will try to put them in his mouth even though they are too big to fit in. I am always curious to see what new things he will learn (at nearly 5 months, he is learning new things every day). I can't help but think that as God was looking at Adam, giving names to animals, that He was delighted to see that.
The last time I thought of my parents was in Christmas of 2011. Amy, I and Timmy were at the Bate's house, gathered together for dinner. Before we ate, Daddy Mike prayed to bless the food, saying "Father..." I didn't recall anything else he said, but I just realize that he almost always begins his prayers with "Father..." Now I don't really do that, I just say "God ..." or "Lord ...". That made me think for a long time.
Two days later, when I was talking to Amy, I told her about this. I realize that even though I have lost my father, I have a heavenly Father. I always acknowledged Him as Father, but I never saw Him as Father. That realization brought me to tears. It is emotional to me to think that way, to treat God as your parent, to think of yourself as part of God's family; it brings a warmth deep in my soul.
Realizing that God is your Father is a very powerful notion! That means I must live my life as He lives, just the same way I saw my earthly father and walked in his footsteps. That means He provides for me in the same way my earthly father provided for me. That means He gives me a sense of stability and security in the same way my earthly father had given me. And of course He can do that so much more than my earthly father! I am thankful for my dad, Denghui. He was honest, genuine, and hard-working. He loved me and my mother; he sacrificed a lot for us. I admire his courage.
Something else also caught my eyes in terms of the parent-child relationship. In Genesis 2 it said that God brought animals to Adam to see what he would name them, and whatever name Adam gave, that was its name. I find the way God the Father looking at Adam is somewhat parallel to the way I look at Timothy, my son. I delight in looking at Timothy, as he tries to explore his environment. He grabs things, feels with his hands, slowly bringing them to his mouth, and will try to put them in his mouth even though they are too big to fit in. I am always curious to see what new things he will learn (at nearly 5 months, he is learning new things every day). I can't help but think that as God was looking at Adam, giving names to animals, that He was delighted to see that.
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