I wish to write down this experience. Not that I think I'd ever forget those days, but just to make sure I write down all the details so I don't get the facts mixed up.
I was at IBM, where we were having a quartering business review with our customers that day on June 15 2011. We just wrapped up the day-long meeting, and my manager John Benoit saw me in my office and said that my parents had a car accident and that I need to call Joseph Bates. I immediately found his phone number on my cell and called him. When I reached him, he was crying. I felt that this was not good. When I first heard from my manager I thought that surely my parents were involved in some accident that got them hurt, or the car was totaled; but in that case I don't think Joe would be crying about it. When Joe told me they both passed away, I didn't know what to think, my heart was very heavy, and my mind was blank. I didn't feel any pain, I wasn't feeling anything, I was in shock. I then called Amy, and told her about it, she immediately started crying. John, my manager, was very kind to come talk to me, and told me I can take as much time as I want, and he even walked with me to my car.
When I got home, Amy told me Pastor Mike and Diane are coming soon, and she giggled in the midst of tears that our house is a mess and we really need to clean up before they come. Then Pastor Mike, Diane, and later Steve Bent came, to console and comfort us, which meant a lot to me. Pastor Mike ordered pizza, and I talked alot about my parents, and the chinese church that they go to. They also helped us get the airplane tickets to fly back. I told my uncles what had happened, and they were all in anger and disbelief.
It wasn't until the second day when I started crying. After the shock subsided and the people left, I started to remember the moments I had with my parents, and those memories became so real my heart felt so overwhelmed. Amy and I cried a lot those couple of days; in fact we cried a lot the entire year of 2011.
I remember we went to Chili's for lunch and I couldn't stop crying. Amy tried to console me but then she started to cry as well. I would cry when I think of the difficult childhood they had in China, when there were so much chaos and hunger. I would cry when I think of the weekend when my mom found out her mom had passed away. At the time, because my relatives in China didn't want to burden us, it wasn't until 3 months after the death that we actually heard about it. Of course my mom was devastated, it was hard to hear about the death but it was hard as well to not be part of the funeral, and not be able to say goodbye. We didn't know Jesus at the time. We cried in a desperate way, in despair, and then we try not to think about it. I remembered my mom saying something like this, "Mom [grandma] I thought I was going to be going away for a while in the U.S., make some money, and come back and be with you. But I had no idea that you'd be gone forever and I never got to see you again."
Having a wife now I have gotten to sympathize more with my mom; being 7000 miles away from her family must have been a difficult thing. When Amy and I went to Vermont for my new job, she hated being away from her family; she was very loyal to her family, it wasn't possible for her to think anyone in the family in a negative light. So it was with my mom, she was always positive about her family, very loyal and caring to her parents and brothers. Grandpa Geng always encouraged her when she was down, speaking uplifting words that Mom cherished in her heart. When Grandma Geng had a stroke, Mom went to the hospital every other day to see her, feed her, take care of her.
I couldn't imagine what Mom was feeling on the inside when she moved to the U.S., but must have been something like what I saw Amy going through. Mom definitely had a period of feeling depressed, there were few days she would not come out of the bedroom. I didn't think much at the time but now I think I know how she felt. When we first moved to the U.S., she was very excited, but when reality sets in, and her new job in waitressing is stressful, she very much missed being close to her mom and dad and brothers.
All that is to say, that while eating with Amy in Chili's the day my parents died, I thought about Mom grieving for Grandma I couldn't keep myself from crying. I also went far away from my parents, in search of a better life, and I also didn't have a chance to say goodbye.
The next day, June 17th, a Thursday, we flew back to Atlanta. But before we left that day, UPS delivered a gigantic box to us, and it was a swingset for Timmy, which my parents bought. It was just several days ago when I skyped with my parents, and they asked what should they buy for Timmy. I told them Amy had wanted this baby swingset, that it rocks the baby gently to sleep. My parents were hesitant on buying it because a friend of theirs gave them a swingset, barely used. However it was smaller and lacked some functions. We'd go back and forth: well, true it didn't have the lateral swing motion but does a baby really need that, or can we save some money by taking the swing with us when we come to see Timmy in August, or dang that swing is the most expensive one out of all Target's swings. Finally, I told my parents, okay, this swingset is what Amy wanted, and she wanted it here before the birth, so you should go ahead and order it online and have it delivered. Of course my parents did. But it was crazy how it all came together, it was as if God allowed them to buy a gift for Timmy just before He is going to take them, and this gift, delivered the day after they passed away, was also used to console me in the loss of my parents.
So our flight was at 6pm and we were supposed to get to Athens at 12am but due to delays we actually got home at 2am. So we went straight to bed since I was supposed to meet with Pastor Mel and Pastor Liang the next day at 8am. As I got up the next morning the reality of my loss was hitting home to me, and I couldn't control myself at all, I was about to lose it at any time. Joe took me to see Pastor Mel and Liang and on the drive over there I really lost it, the thought of never seeing my parents felt like my heart was being crushed.
In fact that entire day was a series of uncontrollable crying. After crying in the car, I lost it when I saw pastor Mel and Liang, they have known my parents for a long time. My parents were most close with pastor Liang and his wife. Then I went to the funeral home to sign papers for burial, such as allowing the service to be conducted by Bernstein Funeral Homes, to be cremated, and buried in Evergreen Memorial, and picking out a plot of land for burial, what do write on the tombstone, writing the obituary, deciding on the time and place of the burial service. There were just so much death-related issues that nobody would ever want to be involved in.
Through it all, Amy practically followed me everywhere and at the time she was seven-month pregnant. Joe was with me as well. We just went from place to place, crying, then be serious and make some decisions, then crying again.
