As I have mentioned in their memorial service, my mom and dad never actually lived in the same place together in China, from 1981 to 1992. Once they were married, Dad went away to work in a factory, and then went to college in a nearby city, while my mom stayed in Xianyang in a fabric and dye factory. In other words, they stayed in communes in different cities.
Here I need to add a few words about communes. Back then one doesn't choose his/her profession, rather it was assigned by the government. But its more than just a workplace that you are assigned to. You were assigned to live in a commune; the workplace (i.e., factory or school) is in the commune, and so are grocery stores, restaurants, daycare/kindergarten, elementary/middle/high school, hospital. So in theory, everything you need would be close by, and you and your colleagues live in the same place, your children play and go to school along with their children. I remember my childhood was full of close friends, and every parent looked after every kid. I didn't mind living in the commune.
However, the downside is that you don't get to choose which commune to live in. If your wife lives in a different commune it wouldn't have been easy to move her over to your commune---the gears of government machinery often became deadlocked. Giving bribe is the like the motor oil that lubricates the government machinery, and believe me things get done in China when you bribe those in charge. My dad though, was never that type of person, he hated it. I can't say for sure if he never gave any bribes, but I am sure that he wanted to go to the US mainly so he could get away from this kind of bad government. Here is a picture of the Chengs, when I was just born.
But it sure was difficult for my mom, all those years, taking care of me and working, and commuting on bus routes to visit my dad on the weekends. This was why I had such a close relationship with Mom. We tried to visit Dad as much as we could and he could visit us as well, and on summer breaks Dad would leave the university and stay with us. But mainly it was my mom taking care of me. Mom told me 2 days after I was born that she was left all alone to take care of me, and how difficult it was to breastfeed me, and how I peed/pooped right after she changed me. But she was always very happy to do it for me; I can tell by the way she recalled those memories. And look at this picture, look how happy she was!
And here is when I was older.
I LOVE these pictures! Your mom is so beautiful. I did not know any of that about the communes. That must have been so difficult for them; I can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteI recall the first picture was taken when you were 100 days old. You were indeed bigger than most kids. The third picture shows when you were about one month. You were not big but just like a sack of warm water that might change shape in one's arms. See your mom held you so tight for fear of that you might slip out of her arms, I think. Your were your mom's first serious project. She read all possible magazines at the time, a huge pile of them, on how to raise a child in a professional way. She did a superb job in making you a star in the community. Your grandpa told me that many people witnessed the obvious outcome and spoke highly about her. She treated you like an adult since you were very young. When she had to criticize you, she would not do it in front of others but only when she and you were alone. Most parent would yell out aloud when his or her child tempting a dangerous deed. What you mom would do was to let you try it under her close watch and learn from it by your own experience. For example, to teach you not touch a hot pot, she would let you touch it. Of course she would make sure that you would not get burnt but just enough discomfort so that you would not want to do it again.
ReplyDeleteaw. what a cute little fat baby you were. your mom looks so baby in these pictures. you always will be and still are her 'sweet baby'.
ReplyDeletehaha. i meant to say that your mom looks so 'happy' in these pictures. oops for my misspelling. hahahaha.
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