2nd anniversary of my parents' passing

I need to write about my parents, to keep alive my memories of them, for family (especially my children) to know what wonderful they were.

At the same time, I find myself juggling between writing down those memories and living out my life in response to those memories. I haven't written much about my parents, but I have shown Timmy their photos at least once a week, something that Timmy really enjoys. We moved back closer to Georgia to be with Amy's side of the family and my parents' old friends. At the same time I am trying to love Amy best I could in the way I saw my parents loved each other. Now I'm not saying I am doing a great job being an employee, father and husband, but with all this trying I hope to demonstrate to God I earnestly seek to do the right thing, and that my heart is open to Him. And He is near me, helping me in every step.

I have their photos in my wallet, I have their photos in my cubicle. Everyday when it gets a little crazy, I look at their happy faces. This photo is particular well-done, and taken about 3 months before their death. I could start to notice that dad has aged, I can see he has more white hair, there are more lines on his cheeks. However mom looks looked great. It must have been many years since they took a professional family photo; the only reason they did it was Church of Nations was doing a directory.

I want to live a life that makes them proud. I'm sure they did; they bragged about me often to family members, friends, people at work, other members from Church of the Nations. At the time I felt really embarrassed by that, because my first reaction to other praising me is, "are you mocking me?" The reaction afterwards is numbness, I freeze up and don't know how to respond. I can remember specifically one situation, when my parents were praising and encouraging me when my uncles came from far away to tend my wedding. Uncle Geng had come from Hamilton Canada, and Uncle Michael and Aunt Amy came from Albany NY. After a great meal, they sat me down to give me gifts, and give me a word of blessing. All this was videotaped. My parents had mentioned how I went to school, worked really hard to support myself and at the same time studied very hard, and they were touched that I was mature enough to not want to burden them financially. At the time I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know what to say. I stored their words in my mind, but my heart didn't know what to do with them.

Thinking back on those memories now that my parents are gone, I am beginning to receive those words. My heart swells with pride, knowing that they approved of me, loved me, and were not ashamed of me in any way. Their words give me strength, to be a good father, husband, and worker.

Timmy is muttering "toe, bobo, toe, bobo". He just woke up from his nap, and my personal moment of reflection is over, now all that I can think of is how I can end this post quickly so I can go play with him. I love my parents, and I can't wait to tell Timmy about them one day.